


I Do

by brittishmenorbust



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: John and Mary's Wedding, M/M, Poor Sherlock, Sad, Sherlock-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 01:33:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3631644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brittishmenorbust/pseuds/brittishmenorbust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock is John's best man. He's been trying to compartmentalize and focus on tasks rather than his feelings for John. Unfortunately, it did not go as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Do

The whole thing had been an exercise in restraint and patience. John Watson’s wedding was to be viewed, Sherlock thought, as a case. There were details to observe, people to interrogate (or  invite as John insisted on calling it) and a conclusion to it all, somewhere in the near future.

Sherlock had to remind himself to view the wedding as such. Any other… sentimental view would be unpleasant to him.

He did not allow his mind to wander from the “case” at all. To do so would mean sentiment, and, as Sherlock had concluded since the engagement of his flatmate, sentiment made him illogical and useless.

The restraint Sherlock used on his wandering thoughts was akin to that of a man trying to stop a moving train.

For instance, when John walked into the flat one morning and Sherlock had just awoken, he was unable to stop the thought that John had come to move back in with him and leave Mary behind.

Ridiculous. Untrue. Illogical. Sherlock tried to believe all of these, but could not stop the private thoughts that crept up at the times when he was least expecting it.

When John insisted on dragging him to be fitted for his tux, Sherlock denied, to himself, that he had ever admired the slope of John’s shoulders or the curve of his waist.  
Restraint.

Sherlock had thought he could train his brain to ignore little impulses, little fantasies. But for once in his life, he was wrong.

It started out small. When he and Mary went flower shopping for her bouquet, he allowed himself to believe it was for his and John’s wedding, not hers.

It felt good to pretend. Suddenly a weight was lifted as Sherlock indulged his daydreams, forgetting the consequences. Sitting across from John on his stag night, drunk in their flat and giggling like schoolgirls, Sherlock smiled. He couldn’t stop himself from imagining that this was a different time. A different universe. Perhaps in this universe he and John were together. Perhaps John’s legs, hanging open the way they did now, would have been an invitation rather than a missed opportunity.

When John fell asleep he let his hands run through John’s blonde, soft hair. He let himself tuck John in and imagine that he was his.

In the morning he came to regret everything. This serious lapse in restraint had cost him. Looking at John was painful. Seeing everything that might have been, all contained in one person, in one engagement ring… was too much. 

Now, as he prepared to take John to the church, Sherlock shook his head shook his head of any last, lingering, bothersome, fantasies.

When they arrived at the church, he hardened his resolve. He chose to look at John Watson as a friend. His best friend. He chose to be happy for his friend, because there was no other choice. There were no other feelings, he told himself. This is the way it would have to be.

And when the ceremony began, so did the true test of will. Sherlock was at an angle to be able to watch John’s face through the whole ceremony.

Sherlock tried to focus on anything but that. He tried to count the flowers or the pillars of the church. He tried to count how many broaches were among the guests and who had been to Vienna recently. Three people, actually.

Yes, that was good. 

Do not look at John Watson’s face.

But his resolve didn’t last long.

Although he tried, although he believed his dalliances into daydreams were through, Sherlock could not hold back when watching John and Mary say their vows.

He could not help but allow his mind to form a reality where it was he and John being married. When John said “I do,” he was saying it to Sherlock. And when Mary was meant to respond, Sherlock couldn’t help the whisper of the two words that escaped his lips. 

Something was wrong. John had tensed. Mary had responded correctly, with her “I do,” so what was wrong? John’s eyes flitted to Sherlock and he detected… Oh.

John had heard him.

**Author's Note:**

> not sure if I'll write more or not. but also it was based on this post http://joolabee.tumblr.com/post/80646683474


End file.
